I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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