my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
