my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
