but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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