Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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