It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She needs sedatives and a leash
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
