she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
