You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize