I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
