update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize