So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
