If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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