Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
