Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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