I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
