fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
