dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
