i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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