Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
