I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
