No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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