she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
