Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It was confusing and full of hummus
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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