I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
