She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
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