Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
...so i touched it.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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