new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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