Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
cat food counts as protein by the way
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
