I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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