I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
