i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
