Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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