there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
