Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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