I'm sorry my penis didn't work
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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