I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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