If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm always down for nudity.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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