I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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