i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
