Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
