I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
