What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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