Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
