I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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