Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
