You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
