Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
