i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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