my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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