I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
