Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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