Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
