I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
