I must be too annoying 4 u.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
