I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize