Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
