i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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