So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The air taste purple.
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