A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The uberlube is also flammable
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
