forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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