it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
